How to support my friend

missgmissg Member New Member
My best friend was diagnosed with lupus a couple of years ago.  She's gone through so much and finally seems to be doing better, which I'm so happy for.  Her strength is really amazing.

We're really close, and there are some days when she says she's doing okay, but I can tell that she isn't feeling well.  She never asks for help, but I want to be able to support her.  I've made dinner for her and done some small things like that to help out, but how else can I help her?  Anybody have any ideas?  I really want her to know that I'm here for her.

Thank you!


  • EMEM Member New Member
    She is lucky to have a caring and loving friend like you. Sometimes the best thing to do is to not do anything at all, just being there with her might be all she needs. 
    talking to her about your willingness to help, to see if she is ok with you helping. 
  • marivanmarivan Member New Member
    I agree with EM. Sometimes it is very hard for me to accept help, as I live with this illness, my silly pride, I guess. I am one to likes to help people, instead, but now, I learn to accept, for it is the one of a few ways the friends show they care. If you talk to her, tell her that being her friend, is important to you and you want to keep her around for a very long time, which is why you want to help, to ease life for her, just a bit, it is your way of saying, "Thanks for being my friend." Helping her, in the vain of saying thank you, my friend for being my friend, might help her to accept your help, better? She is a lucky person to have a friend like you. God bless you for being there for her. It isn't easy, when people do not believe you are ill and think you are faking it. I'm certain she has gone through this also. I have you, her and all people regarding this illness, in my prayers, every night. 
  • kkaeskkaes Member New Member
    Missg, you can ask her permission to go to doctors appointments to be her second set of ear and take detailed notes.  You can be her sounding board, her research assistant, and you can be available to help her distill her 'presentation' before she goes into an appointment.  I find it immensely helpful to have family and friends with me so they can fill details as an 'out sider' of Lupus.  For instance, recently my husband was able to give weight to one of my issues by explaining he had not seen a particular symptoms as bad as it had manifested during a flare in the twenty six years he knew me.  This was the critical information to get the ball rolling in the right direction.  The doctor was grateful to have a fuller context for symptoms.  

    It is also helpful to make sure the fun quota is met.  With Lupus I often have to graciously turn down get togethers, parties, going to the movies, shopping ect.  My closest friends now just come over and we hang out.  Shopping?  There is the world of window shopping online.  During a recent severe flare my family started having picnics in the family room I was confined to so I would continue to be a part of the ebb and flow of life.  Cooking?  I have amazing family and friends who will join me, knowing at some point I may need to sit down and rest, but they keep preparing the meal, asking for my input.  

    Check in sometimes to see if you can drive your friend somewhere.  On high fatigue days this is tremendously useful. 

    Mainly though, be an Investigator of Happiness.  This involves careful observation (no questions allowed :-)) of what makes your friend happy.  Is it bubbles?  Is it a particular song?  What about flowers?  Sparkling water?  Whatever it is, show up every once in a while with these things.  

    Hope this helps.
  • Giggles0484Giggles0484 Member New Member
    💯 agree with Marivan.
    Unfortunately people will never understand unless they actually go through it. And she is VERY BLESSED to have a friend like you that wants n desires to go the extra mile. I have close friends that forgets to even wear purple on national lupus day.

    But continuing being a genuine friend that's what matters the most. The days she can't get out of bed, just be by her side is all that matters at times.
  • LizelleLizelle Member New Member
    My best friend is the same as you. 

    The best thing is not be forceful... The little surprises always helps
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